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September 5th, 2011

11:57 am - Kate Walsh.
You know, all of my life - Lauren Graham has been my idol, my inspiration, my - hero. She was my everything. I figured that the day I wanted to become a mother, I would want to be like her. She's an incredible actress, and on TV, and incredible Mom. She would be an incredible Mom. Anyway. I started to watch Grey's Anatomy about four years ago, and I discovered Addison Montgomery, aka Kate Walsh.

What drew me to her, I guess was...the fact that she's so graceful. She dresses so beautifully, and - she still manages to make people laugh. She inspires me. I wish I could be like her, but - that's way out of reach for me, if you know what I'm saying. She's more incredible than Lauren Graham, to be honest. She's so - incredible. There were other things that I wanted to write, but I can't remember 'em. I'll write them another time, when I remember it.

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11:44 am - Randomness.
Nothing I write here, will tell you about me. I could tell you that i'm really,really, sweet but that would be a lie because I'm not sweet, or nice all the time. I could tell you that I'm not a hypocrite, but that would probably be a lie, because I tend to be a hypocrite sometimes. I could tell you that I love drama, but that would be a lie because truth is? I hate drama more than I hate anything else in this world. I could look at your profile, and then decide to be just like you, and then tell the whole world I'm original, and that I'm me. But I'm not like that at all. I know that I could become your easiest hello &, your hardest goodbye. I could tell you that I'm totally innocent, but that's the worst lie that I will ever tell. Wanna know why? Because I'm so not innocent at all. My mind's always in the gutter, 24/7. I could tell you that I'm a huge bitch when you piss me off, but then again - everybody says that. You know one thing I do know about me? I don't want to be labelled. I'm not here to be labelled as 'popular' or 'noob' or whatever term it is you guys use these days. Nor am I here to be considered 'the queen of rp' because that's just plain dumb, to be honest. I'm not here to be labelled as gay, lesbian, straight, or  bisexual. I could tell you that I hate singing, and that I'm really bad at it, but truth is? I'm good at singing. I'm not the best at it, I will admit that. I could tell you that I'm extremely gorgeous in real life, but that would be a lie, because I certainly don't think so. I could tell you that I hate reading books, I hate learning about history, and all I love to do is sit on my laptop all day long, on this website but...that's a complete lie. I'm a huge bookworm, I love learning about historical things, I don't like being on my laptop all day long. I could tell you that I hate romantic movies with a passion but that's a lie. I love romantic movies with a passion, but I hate watching them, because it makes me wish that my girlfriend and I lived together, in the same room, and it makes me cranky, and it hurts my heart so much. So I lie, and say I hate them. I could tell you that I'm totally happy with myself, totally secure, and in love with who I am, but that wouldn't be like me to say that. Truth is, I'm totally insecure and I'm only somewhat happy with who I am. I could tell you that I love being a thousand, trillion miles away from my girlfriend but that's the biggest lie ever. What pisses me off the most is that we're not living together. I could tell you that I'm exactly like Lorelai Gilmore, in the sense that I'm really strong like her. But that's a lie, because I'm not strong at all. I'm weak, and I lean on other people for support. I could tell you that I'm really boring, but I'm not. I'm hyper most of the time. I could also tell you that I love my cellphone - that it's my life, and I can't live without electronics, but the truth is - I can live without my cellphone. I'm not glued to it 24/7, nor am I glued to my electronics 24/7, nor do I wish to be. But you get the point, don't you? I am who I am, and an about me will not  tell you anything about me, because I could lie and tell you anything that I wanted, and you would probably believe it, because you haven't met me.

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11:43 am
May 17th, 2011~

There are many things that I could write about my girlfriend. I can write that we're together in real life, as well as roleplay. I can write that she's the most incredible, the most perfect girlfriend in the whole wide world. I can write that you wish you were her girlfriend. I could write that - hell, I can write anything about her. And you know what? It wouldn't even <i>begin</i> to describe my love for her. It would be me, describing her as a person. But, you don't know her at all, she is who she is, and she could tell you lies about herself, and you'd never know it. Everybody says that their lover is the most amazing, and the most perfect person ever. They all say that. What I <i>can</i> tell you about my girlfriend is that - I've never met anyone like her. I've never loved anybody as much as I love her. Before I met her, I had a boyfriend. And before him, I had another guy. That's besides the point, but moving on - I loved them. Or, I guess I thought I did. But is love really forcing someone to get online, begging someone to call you, begging somebody to tell you that they love you, because they're closed off? No, it isn't. I thought I loved them, and that I could end up with them forever. But I was naive to even think that. I could tell you that I dreamed about wedding dresses, and that is true. And that's incredibly stupid of me. I knew nothing about love, until I met my girlfriend. It was new for me and her - being with a girl. I don't want to screw it up. I'm doing everything in my power, to make sure that this relationship lasts forever, because I know I want to spend my life with her. My heart knows it, my gut knows it. I can be honest when I tell you that I get insecure around her, and that's probably normal, I suppose. I'm afraid to ever lose her, and I get incredibly jealous when I see her on roleplay, adding random people. But you know what? I can't do anything about it. I refuse to be an obsessive, stalker of a girlfriend, and I refuse to be demanding, and a huge, controlling bitch. I know I'm a really jealous person in general, and I have serious abandonment issues, but I'm trying <i>so</i> hard to get over them, because I don't ever want to do anything that will make me lose her. I love her with every beat of my heart. I love her more than the sun, the moon, and all the stars in the sky. I love her more than this entire universe, and all the planets. I love it when she tells me that she blushed, I love it when she smiles, I love the fact that she's mine. I love talking to her at every hour of the day. I love it when she says 'heehee'. It makes me smile alot, because I find it cute when she says that. I love everything about her. She makes me a completely different person. A person that I want to be. I love it when she says my name, I love it when we're webcamming, and she smiles, and just sits there, and then walks around her room, trying to keep herself occupied. I remember the first time we talked. It was an audio chat on aim. I heard her laugh a few times. I love her laugh. I love everything about her. I'm insanely proud to call her my girlfriend. She owns my heart, and I hope she never gives it back. She makes my heart go crazy. She's just - incredible in every single way. She is the reason that my heart beats. The only reason that I feel so happy every single damn day. Whenever I feel sad, or mad, or anything, or I have a bad day, I look forward to talking to her, because - just her talking to me will make my day better. I love how she listens to me, whenever I have to rant about something that happened in my real life. I hope that one of these days, she'll come to visit me. When that day comes, I'll hug her, and I'll kiss her. I can't imagine my life without her. I don't know how I managed to survive this long, before I met her. Maybe my reason for living, was so that I could meet her. I love you so much, babygirl. You're my entire world. You're the Lorelai Gilmore to my Luke Danes, the Blair Waldorf to my Chuck Bass,the Brennan to my Booth. You're my forever.♥

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February 16th, 2010

10:09 pm - First Official Post...
Sometimes when I'm alone, especially lately, I begin to wonder to myself about my life choices. There are moments, when I tell myself that I want to live in Belgium for the rest of my life, and there are times where I tell myself that I'm going back to the States as soon as that Diploma's in my hand. 

It's quite possible that it is because I live with my parents, that I cannot seem to make up my mind. 

Living in Belgium has been quite an experience. When I first moved to Belgium, I was depressed. Sad, having frequent meltdowns, saying how I wished I could go back to the US. 

Ever since I met my friends, at the school I go to now, I've been happier than ever. I can't stop smiling, I'm really happy when I go to school, just to talk and laugh with my friends.

I feel like, ever since I met them, I am slowly crawling out of my shell. Like my shyness is slowly drifting away. When I'm with them I'm crazy, hyper, and I can totally be myself around them. They are my world, and I know that if I had not met them, I would not be strong, and as mature as I am today.

They make me who I am, and they taught me so many things in life. It is thanks to them, that I have gotten past that whole "I hate french,I wanna go back to the US,where they only speak english" phase, that I went through when I'd just moved to Belgium. I like french, and I'm excited to learn more of that language, and reading it seems okay now.

My two best friends from Pennsylvania might come visit me this summer. Ever since they told me that, I've been really excited. But then I start to wonder...when they arrive at the airport, how will I react? Will I hug them? Will I just say,"HEY GUYS, I MISSED YOU" ? Will we stand there squealing excitedly, then talk about our lives, what's been going on? I've always wondered what it was going to be like seeing them again.

A part of me is just afraid to see them again, afraid that too much time has passed. That we won't have anything in common anymore. That we'll have grown apart. But, I know that we have grown up, become different people, and have changed. But they'll remain my best friends.

Anyways, that was my first official entry. G'bye for now, loves.
Current Mood: calmcalm

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